Dear Joanne Robinson of Newport News, VA,
Thanks for buying that Tiffany necklace from me on eBay. It was a good deal at $150 with free shipping. I knew something was up, though, when you decided to return it because it did not fit: your request just seemed off. Good thing I asked you to go through the eBay returns process 'cause I know you started off contacting me directly. It took you a while to get it shipped back to me. I kinda think you planned it to arrive the Friday after Thanksgiving, hoping I'd just refund your money without thinking about it. But when I did open your box on Tuesday, I was only a little surprised to find out the box was empty. Honestly, I thought you would do something more clever like swapping it with a fake one.
So, I spent a half hour on the phone with eBay. I guess situations like your little "empty box" trick as they called it used to go right to the Fraud Department. Now, they asked me to contact you first, hoping it was just a misunderstanding. Did you, perhaps, simply forget to put the necklace in the box before mailing? I know I've got a lot going on, I could see it might just be an honest mistake, right?
Anyway, I had to write you a nice and professional note through eBay. I wanted to say how stupid are you? What kind of half assed scam is this? Does it actually work sometimes?!?! But I was polite. So far, you haven't responded to my message. It would probably just be smarter of you to let it go at this point, instead of pushing it. I mean, mail fraud is not something you really want to get involved with, is it? But then again your choices this far have not been very clever...
